Frankie Lassut

Manitas De Tortura (eBook, ePUB)

• Format: ePub

Produktbeschreibung

Manitas De Tortura means, in case you don't know; Hands of Torture.
It is about methods of torture they use in Spain when they capture British tourists who don't flush when they use the loo in the hotel where they're staying.
Actually, it's about guitars. Steel string guitars; wire fences; as they were once described by a famous guitarist from Spain. In the old hit 'The Devil went down to Georgia', she played a violin, but if she'd played a steel string guitar the world would have been in real trouble.
It is about a secret organisation, or to be more exact, a branch of a secret organisation. They're called the Torturosi and use criminally bad steel string guitarists to ...
I can't tell you any more or I might be tortured by the Harmonicinati. The Harmonicinati are a branch of the Illumin ... I can't say anymore! Basically, because I don't want to disappear without trace because I've got bills to pay; never mind the mortgage. The house needs hoovering, there's some washing up. You can read all about the fantastic thing about household chores in: For my Own Selfish Reasons

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Produktdetails

• Verlag: Frankie Lassut
• Erscheinungstermin: 10. Dezember 2018
• Englisch
• ISBN-13: 9780463726907
• Artikelnr.: 54753078

Autorenporträt

I am the one being shaved; the other one Nim, is is a looney bin now!
I went to see a psychic years ago who ended up as my girlfriend; she didn't see that one coming! But she was extremely honoured. However it ended badly i.e. it rained heavily as I buried her body and I got soaked. No! You don't really want to hear about it, it's depressing; I was joking about the burial. She told me that I was to uncover a talent I had ... Well, another psychic told me that as the first one was dead; I was lying when I said I was lying. Nothing happened for quite a while. Suddenly I realised I needed a 'job' quite badly as I was beginning to drink halves. No, not a boob 'job'! I went for the cheap option i.e. the surgeon gave some socks to shove up my jumper when I go out. I got a 'job' (have you got boobs on your mind?) because someone told me that bus-driving was easy because you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel. She was about six, a wise woman ... that's called an oxymoron. Fantastic! I thought get the job and in a couple of days I'd be driving all the nice passengers around and about seeing all the sights for a fraction of the cost of a tour bus; and we'd have a roof in case it rained. Easy! First of all though there was the training; and I entered hell.

I was born in Cumbria in a little ex-iron ore mining town called Millom. It was only small, a one- horse town; the horse was called Peg. It had a pedigree name too, but I can't remember it at the moment: Peggy Suss? However, I got fed up and left as I was the only man in a town full of women and they were all lesbys; I've always been lucky. I went to Blackpool and attended the photographic college. I then moved to Coventry and met the psychic who would tell me what was going to happen. I could say now that the rest is history. Well it is, but obviously not history as that's all made up anyway. Then I got the job bus-driving, which as I said is easy 'you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel'. The bus station management weren't pleased that she had said that though, so she was tried and sent to Guantanamo Bay; they have a section for young kids who are bad to the bone.

The job was so mad that I thought it would be a good idea to write out some posters and stick them all on the wall of the bus station. The other drivers enjoyed them, but the management tore them down, the badstars (that's an anagram of astards +B). I carried on and ended up with a manuscript for a book, which, by ...