Frankie Lassut

The Undertaker's Ball. Part two of 'The Care Home' (eBook, ePUB)

• Format: ePub

Produktbeschreibung

This is the second part of the care home. It contains vulgar scenes of abuse, especially concerning those who have that real turn off dementia. It features the Undertaker's Ball an annual do attended by Undertakers trying to sell their wares i.e. coffins. They go around the dance hall with tape measures. So it's just like a Clinton Eastwood movie. I think it has scenes of abuse in it too, not to the young mind you, to the old. There's a real fun bit too with Zimmer frames. Oh, don't be silly, I wouldn't write stuff like that; I'm really nice when you get to know me. My ex-girlfriend would agree, but she's buried in the garden and her big mouth is full of soil. No she isn't and no it isn't, I'm joking ... or am I?

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Produktdetails

• Verlag: Frankie Lassut
• Erscheinungstermin: 21. April 2019
• Englisch
• ISBN-13: 9780463916148
• Artikelnr.: 56407902

Autorenporträt

I am the one being shaved; the other one Nim, is is a looney bin now!
I went to see a psychic years ago who ended up as my girlfriend; she didn't see that one coming! But she was extremely honoured. However it ended badly i.e. it rained heavily as I buried her body and I got soaked. No! You don't really want to hear about it, it's depressing; I was joking about the burial. She told me that I was to uncover a talent I had ... Well, another psychic told me that as the first one was dead; I was lying when I said I was lying. Nothing happened for quite a while. Suddenly I realised I needed a 'job' quite badly as I was beginning to drink halves. No, not a boob 'job'! I went for the cheap option i.e. the surgeon gave some socks to shove up my jumper when I go out. I got a 'job' (have you got boobs on your mind?) because someone told me that bus-driving was easy because you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel. She was about six, a wise woman ... that's called an oxymoron. Fantastic! I thought get the job and in a couple of days I'd be driving all the nice passengers around and about seeing all the sights for a fraction of the cost of a tour bus; and we'd have a roof in case it rained. Easy! First of all though there was the training; and I entered hell.

I was born in Cumbria in a little ex-iron ore mining town called Millom. It was only small, a one- horse town; the horse was called Peg. It had a pedigree name too, but I can't remember it at the moment: Peggy Suss? However, I got fed up and left as I was the only man in a town full of women and they were all lesbys; I've always been lucky. I went to Blackpool and attended the photographic college. I then moved to Coventry and met the psychic who would tell me what was going to happen. I could say now that the rest is history. Well it is, but obviously not history as that's all made up anyway. Then I got the job bus-driving, which as I said is easy 'you just sit on your butt and turn the wheel'. The bus station management weren't pleased that she had said that though, so she was tried and sent to Guantanamo Bay; they have a section for young kids who are bad to the bone.

The job was so mad that I thought it would be a good idea to write out some posters and stick them all on the wall of the bus station. The other drivers enjoyed them, but the management tore them down, the badstars (that's an anagram of astards +B). I carried on and ended up with a manuscript for a book, which, by ...